I know lots of women get the baby blues.  Me, on the other hand, has suffered from depression most of my adult life.  I was scared shitless of postpartum depression and asked my OB for Zoloft in the hospital right after I delivered B.

Yet, I feel off.  I don’t know if it’s new motherhood, lack of sleep, postpartum depression – whatever you call it, I feel off.

I cry for no reason.  I cry because B cries.  I cry because I’m tired.  I cry because I feel fat.  I cry because I’m a shit mom.  I cry because everyone would be better off without me.  I cry because I am soooo happy.  I cry because I’m in love.  I cry because I feel lucky to have my partner and parents taking care of me.  I cry because we are out of milk…

So is this what postpartum depression feels like?  I’m angry and sad and restless all at the same time.  I sleep for a week straight and then have insomnia.  Is this what being a new mom is all about?

More tomorrow…