So apparently I’ve been crazy as far back as I can remember. Great! Having a kid, who likely will be plagued by having a mentally ill mother, is how I find out I have a room reserved in the nut house.
Bipolar. What does that even mean? It’s such an ugly and loaded word. It’s used to make fun of people, to demean people, to label people. I don’t want to be in any of those categories. I don’t want to be labeled. I want to be functional, competent and self-reliant. I want to be a caretaker and role model for B. I feel like being bipolar will be a stigma in being a mom and a person.
I even had a friend tell me – well you’re a gemini so that makes sense. Huh?
So what do I do now? I’m feel like I’m medicated out of my face trying to find the right cocktail of pharmaceuticals to manage my mood swings. I’m also seeing a very nice therapist. Talking to someone about my thoughts and feelings, even my fears is so freeing! I’m slowly starting to float up above the water that I felt dragging my body down.
I need to get myself out of this funk. If I’m going to get a handle on this bipolar thing I’d much rather be in a manic episode and get some shit done rather than being all depression girl. It is what it is, now what? How can I learn more about myself and manage this condition. I can’t bury my head in the sand I need to take action. Right?
More tomorrow…
manic momday 
I find myself torn between wanting to tell everyone I know to break down the stigma to wanting to keep my mouth shut so know one will label me crazy. My husband is also bipolar and he was diagnosed 15 years ago, myself only recently. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all. It’s like everything that was once “normal” is no longer “ok” if that makes any sense. In any case, I wish you all the best.
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Sorry I am just responding – still learning all about blogging. I totally understand being torn and not telling people about your diagnosis. I worry what the other moms will think, what repercussions there will be at work, etc. Good luck and hang in there!
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You might want to check out earlier posts on my blog. I’m a mom and childbirth triggered my bipolar disorder in 2007.
I hate the word bipolar too!!!! I tell people I have bipolar, not that I am bipolar just because that phrase freaks me out! 🙂 My Dad had bipolar as well (He was a Gemini!) so I’ve been around bipolar my whole life – all the more reason to loathe it.
There are a lot of cool bloggers who have bipolar disorder (some of them moms) and connecting with them has helped me a lot. One blog is Bipolar First by Claya Caper – here’s her site:
http://bipolarfirst.com
And lolabipola is great too:
https://lolabipola.wordpress.com
And kittomalley.com
All 3 are moms who have bipolar
Good luck and I hope that funk vanishes ASAP!!
Dyane
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oops, sorry, http://kittomalley.com and she’s a good friend of mine IRL!
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Keep writing & do what you do before you found out. Keep being you. Great post, I can’t wait to read more.
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Thanks so much – just getting the hang of blogging so sorry I haven’t responded sooner. I’m trying to keep life as normal as possible. Taking my meds has been a good change. Doing things with B or forcing myself to see friends has been good too. Writing has been great. Thanks for the follow – keep telling me what you think!
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