When I decided to leave my ex husband I knew I wanted a child.  I researched clinics for artificial insemination and speak donors.  I knew I had a small window of time to get pregnant.  I knew I could always meet a guy later.  I decided to date a little and have fun.  Then I met Kip.  I never expected to fall head over heels about someone, especially so quickly.  We started dating and felt instantly attracted to one another.  There was a real physical connection.

We decided to wait to sleep together.  That was new for me.  I’d always been impulsive, even sexually. But I loved that Kip wanted us to have an emotional connection too and so we waited.

I decided to go back on the pill.  I didn’t use birth control with my ex and never got pregnant.  He already had 2 kids so I automatically thought there was something wrong with me.  I thought the pill would be a good back up plan, just in case…

So we waited 2 and a half weeks to have sex.  We went out with a group of Kip’s friends for a birthday.  We laughed.  We flirted.  We drank. We went to Kip’s and finally were intimate and it was amazing.  I knew I was falling in love.

The following weeks were a whirlwind.  We saw each other everyday.  We sat up late at night and talked.  We kissed.  We made love.  We danced.  I met his friends.  It was everything I dreamed of in a relationship and more.

Then I realized I was late.  Like 3 weeks late.  There was no way I could be pregnant, right? I was 37, never pregnant, on the pill, in a new relationship.  Being pregnant would be cray, unreal, and a dream come true.

I snuck out of my parents house at 7am and went to the grocery store to get a pregnancy test.  My stomach was doing so many somersaults I had the runs.  Surely I wasn’t pregnant.

I got got home and peed on the stick.  There is was, a plus sign.  I was knocked up.  Still in shock and certain that the store brand test had a greater margin of error I took another  test.  The same plus sign popped up.  Pregnant.  After throwing up – not sure if from the news or the onset of morning sickness I called my doctor convinced I had the flu.  It was July…

well the doctor confirmed it – congrats! You’re at least 5 weeks pregnant.

Crap! I got exactly what I prayed for..,what am I going to do now?